Living From Happiness

Now displaying: November, 2022

Nov 24, 2022

Silvia Stenitzer returns to the studio for this episode. Silvia’s a licensed professional clinical counselor in Santa Fe. She has a private practice as a psychotherapist. And she also trains the trainers, offering continuing education workshops throughout the year for licensed counselors.

She has specialized training in some important areas, including somatic therapy and interpersonal neurobiology.

Melanie and Silvia share ideas about how to manage the holiday season when it feels overwhelming, or if you’ll be spending time with toxic people, including family.

Some of the topics include how healing can happen in relationships, and that sometimes the people who drive you the most crazy can be sources to help you deepen into your evolutionary journey.

Narcissists and attachment styles are part of the discussion, as well.

Melanie shares the 5 S’s, from neuroscientist and psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegel. The 5 S’s can be helpful to use when your nervous system has been activated, and you need some help with emotional safety and emotional regulation.

The 5 S’s are five fundamental needs that all humans have. They are:

“1) Be SEEN—meaning our inner life is perceived, made sense of, and responded to in a timely and effective manner. The attunement of others helps us “feel felt” in the world.

2) Be SOOTHED—meaning that our distress is noted and the interactions with others helps us to feel calmer, more at ease. This interactive soothing becomes internal soothing as we develop.

3) Be SAFE—meaning that we are protected from harm and also that those we care about are not the source of terror. This is how we come to have a sense of trust in others.

4) Be SECURE—meaning that we develop an overall internal model of solidity, enabling us to feel that in general, we are worthy of being seen, soothed, and safe and that we can rely on others for this important sense of connection.

In addition, a “fifth S” might be the notion of “SENSE-making”—meaning how we rely on our interactions with others to make sense of the world. This making sense process enables us to feel a coherence between what we experience ourselves and how we are told the world actually is. With a coherent sense-making experience, we have what some researchers term, “epistemic trust.”

Furthermore, Siegel says “But if your family has not in the past provided these S’s of security for you or others, then this list may be helpful to keep in mind as you enter this holiday season. We have a saying that you can ‘name it to tame it,’ meaning that if you name an emotional state it will help you create equilibrium in your life. If you are at the dinner table and Aunt Mary doesn’t see you as you are discussing some important issues in your life, when the feeling of disconnection arises, say to yourself, with your inner voice, ‘Ah—how fascinating—agitation from not being SEEN. That’s one of those S’s of security, fully missing here from her reactions to me, no wonder I have this unsettling feeling of disconnection.’ You may not be able to change Aunt Mary, but you can change how you understand and respond to her non-secure ways of interacting with you.

Finally, Siegel writes that you can be your own secure attachment figure. “You can see what is actually going on inside you with clarity and acceptance, you can soothe your own inner distress, you can keep yourself safe, and you can make sense of what is going on as you name it to tame it.” https://drdansiegel.com/expanding-your-holiday-hub/

Silvia Stenitzer’s website here: https://silviastenitzer.com/

Dr. Melanie Harth’s website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/

Questions or comments about the show: happiness@ksfr.org.

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Navigating Grief and Loss 0

Nov 17, 2022

Kimberley Brown is the guest on this episode which focuses on how to navigate grief and loss. Kim is a popular meditation teacher and author. She leads classes and workshops that emphasize the power of compassion and kindness to reconnect us to ourselves and others.

She studies in both the Tibetan and Insight schools of Buddhism and is a Certified Mindfulness Instructor.

Kim and Melanie talk all about her newest book, titled Navigating Grief and Loss: 25 Buddhist Practices to Keep Your Heart Open to Yourself and Others.

She’s a lovely teacher who’s written a very accessible book to help guide folks through how to feel safe feeling all of our emotions and understanding how to be compassionate and kind to ourselves, no matter what shows up.

For the truth is that this is when healing begins.

Her book chapters are titled by different kinds of losses, including

sudden death, or conversely,
when you know it’s coming,
losing a child or grandchild,
if your family disappoints you,
grieving for strangers,
and beloved pets, among others.

One of the things that Buddhism teaches is that “everything is impermanent and death can happen at any moment, to anyone, at any age … it’s the nature of life,” as Kim writes.

Further, “for us to live fully with this unsettling truth requires that we acknowledge impermanence and change, be willing to mourn loss and face grief, and meet the unexpected with gentleness rather than denial or blame.”

Kim and Melanie share ideas for how to deal with emotions such as anger, compassion, anticipatory grief, collective grief, and how to hold our grief during the holidays.

This is a lovely show, with many ideas to ponder.

Kimberly Brown’s website here: https://www.meditationwithheart.com/

Dr. Melanie Harth’s website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/

Questions or suggestions: email happiness@ksfr.org

Grief Counseling in Santa Fe, NM

Sadness and loss are part of being alive. And grieving our losses is part of what it means to live a rich, full life. If you’re stuck in the past and can’t seem to move forward on your own, or living with ambiguous loss, please reach out to schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation: melanie@melanieharth.com.

I’m Melanie, the Santa Fe Therapist. My compassionate, creative approach to grief counseling in Santa Fe NM weaves together my ability to hear below the surface of the words, advanced degrees, years of specialized training, professional experience, and personal experiences healing from loss.

I use the latest neuroscience research as I combine Western systems, Eastern wisdom, Earth-based practices, as well as creative, innovative ideas to help you process and heal.

Clients usually work with me once a week for 8-12 months. As we work together, you’ll process your sadness and loss in an emotionally safe space, and begin learning how to step into the world again, on your terms.

Please know that I welcome ongoing conversations about making therapy the best experience it can be for you.

The Santa Fe Therapist Offers Online Counseling in Santa Fe, NM

Online therapy helps women who are struggling with grief and loss find the time away from day-to-day pressures to calm their nervous systems. It also makes it easy and convenient to process emotions and learn new neuroscience techniques cope with challenges, heal the past, and begin building your future.

I strongly believe in the power of online counseling. Along with the research that proves its effectiveness, I see the positive benefits for clients every week. Click here if you've got questions about online therapy.

Online counseling from anywhere in New Mexico, including Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Taos, Los Alamos, Pecos, Las Vegas, Tesuque and El Dorado.

How to Get Grief Counseling in Santa Fe NM

You don’t have to suffer alone anymore. Please, send me an email, and let’s schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation: melanie@melanieharth.com, for grief counseling in Santa Fe.

Other Services From The Santa Fe Therapist

The Santa Fe Therapist specializes in several areas of health, wellbeing, healing and recovery. We know that one size never fits all. Our services are individualized to each client, and are based on your values, your needs and desires, and your goals.

We offer individual adult counseling and guidance in Santa Fe NM for:

dealing with overwhelming angst and despair
anxiety help
depression help
emotional and spiritual healing
processing grief
overcoming low self-esteem
learning how to make peace with the present
PTSD and CPTSD/trauma
helping you manage stress

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Thriving as a Highly Sensitive Person 0

Nov 3, 2022

Have you ever been told that you’re “too sensitive,” thinking too much, or that you should be happy going to parties ‘cause the more the merrier?

Do you hide you who are because you’ve been shamed or told there’s something wrong with you?

You might be an HSP, a highly sensitive person.

Melanie (Dr. Melanie Harth) explains what being an HSP means, and offers lots of ideas and strategies for coping with too much stress, overwhelm, and an over-stimulated nervous system.

She references the work of the psychologist who developed the theory, Dr. Elaine Aron, author of several books on being highly sensitive, including her first one, "The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You.”

One quote Melanie shares in this episode from the book is "If you are going to notice every little thing in a situation, and if the situation is complicated (many things to remember), intense (noisy, cluttered, etc), or goes on too long (a 2-hour commute), it seem obvious that you will also have to wear out sooner from having to process so much so thoroughly. Others, not noticing much or any of what you have, will not tire as quickly [or at all!].

"They may even think it quite strange that you find it too much to sightsee all day and go to a nightclub in the evening. … . Indeed this is often the behavior we and others have noticed most — that HSPs are easily stressed by overstimulation (including social stimulation), or, having learned their lesson, that they avoid intense situations more than others do.”

Melanie shares information about what being highly sensitive can look like in different people, along with ways that an HSP can cause problems for themselves.

Other areas she covers include HSPs and narcissists, HSPs and shame, HSPs and psychological/mental disorders such as anxiety and depression, and ways to help soothe yourself.

Dr. Elaine Aron’s website here, including the free quiz: https://hsperson.com/

Dr. Melanie Harth’s website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/

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